Kids are idiots. No one really denies this. Kids get their tongues stuck to poles in the winter, jump off roofs, sled into on coming traffic, eat boogers... the list is endless.

So let me tell you about one of my many idiot kid memories.

I pooped in someone's yard. Yeah, I'm not going to build this story up to be something it isn't, trying to hide the mortifying act of POOPING OUTSIDE in a YARD in some playful images. There are no other images that can mask this, make it look prettier or less embarrassing. And let's get one thing straight, this wasn't a wooded back yard where in an urgent moment one would be able to hide their BM as simply squatting to look at an interesting bug. Oh no, this was a barren wasteland compared to that. Not a tree in sight, just yard, after yard, after yard so all the neighborhood could get a view and whiff of this.

So there I was, 4, maybe 5 years old, poppin' a squat in my friends yard because she said her mom wouldn't let me use their bathroom (even though my bathroom was conveniently located right across the street!) aaaaannnd who happens to see this all taking place? The friends older, cute brother who I had a crush on (he in turn had a crush on my mom). I'm pretty sure he made a mad dash across the street to let her in on all the details of my momentary laps in judgment that led to this open-air pooping.

Anyhow, minutes later my mom presents with a brown paper bag and a garden shovel to pick up said poo. Laughing the whole time.

Lesson learned -- don't poop in yard unless you're a dog. It's humiliating.

Seriously, don't. I mean, it's POOP.